Do you ever feel like God has a specific way of speaking to you? For me it’s through music. I can hear the same song a hundred times and not really listen but then a part of the song stands out and I feel the voice of God speaking into my heart.
Last September I started my first year of college. I stressed out so much. It was so new to me. I felt like I was studying my butt off but still waste seeing the grades I wanted. I had 4 classes my first quarter and that was probable my first mistake because fresh into college not really knowing what to expect I had a full schedule. I felt like I was drowning. I especially had a hard time in Sociology. Everyone who took it told me how much they loved but when I was taking it I had a completely different experience. I had a horrible teacher. He was rude, and purposefully made the class challenging just because he could. There were so many days when I literally felt like I would just start crying because he made things so hard. I always got really good grade in school, but for some reason no matter how hard I tried all quarter I had a terrible grade in sociology.
Toward the end of the quarter we had a test that went over all the content we had learned about all quarter. It wasn’t the final because for the final we had a project, but it was worth a lot of points. I studied harder for that test then any other test I’ve ever taken, and yet I got another really low score. As someone who has never gotten a grade lower then a B on anything before I freaked out! I was doing so bad in the class and nothing I was doing was working. I remember driving home one day from school so mad and upset. Everything was irritating me and I just felt like I couldn’t do anything right. Even though I had really good grades in my other classes, I blamed myself for struggling with this one. I just remember driving and talking to God. I was so annoyed at what was happening, that I just wanted to give up. and right in that moment a song came on the radio. The words were:
“If you could only let your guard down
You could learn to trust me somehow
I swear, that I won’t let you go
If you could only let go your doubts
If you could just believe in me now
I swear, that I won’t let you go
I won’t let you go”
I felt like in that moment God was telling me its okay to struggle and to feel like everything is falling apart, but hey I’m here! I realized that I wasn’t relying on God, I was tying to do everything on my own. Instead asking him for help I tried to do it all on my own and failed miserably! One of my favorite verses from proverbs is “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” This may be an overly repeated verse but it’s truly so meaningful!
The moment I let God take over I actually did start doing better and I had peace in my heart that even though things might not be going completely as planned at the end of the day I was okay with whatever happened because God was in control! I was able to pass my class with a pretty good grade. But I couldn’t do it alone. Trusting that God will take care of our situation whatever it may be is SO HARD! But when you do, you feel so free. Don’t hesitate to ask God for help. He is always there no matter what your issue is he is always going to be there for you!